


Testaments

by anesor



Series: Star Wars Snippets [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Jealousy, Siri is away and fine, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 22:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15567939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anesor/pseuds/anesor
Summary: One last lesson Anakin has failed to learn, despite already being knighted and years of war...





	Testaments

The ebb and flow of the capital ship and the many presences around the General soothed him as he extended into the cosmic, meditating after Kix reluctantly let him go. Obi-Wan turned his focus away from the lake of the lively sparks of the Clone brothers and their echoes of Mandalor tradition. He wished to consider deeper issues about this war with the Separatists. 

It was not as if he was cleared for _much_ else after passing through that noxious industrial plant on the last mission. His lungs were too damaged for field treatment and he was to be careful.

The Force led him through its landscape, though it seemed muddled and dimmed even in Jump, where it should not. Peering deeper through the formless soup, it was becoming clear even without physical evidence, that the Force was dimmer and had too many veins of darkness. The Force was thickly marbled when close to Coruscant and less so further away on most missions. 

The man who had once been his Grandmaster  _ could not be _ the dark source of all the many cold and dark swirls since they fought on Geonosis. Dooku was  _ not _ based on Coruscant, his shadow could not be  _ still _ so strong there after years away. There was so much more in this than political unrest causing a war that few wanted.

The swirling veins of light from the Temple seemed  _ tarnished in a way _ , even to himself. The darkness circled around him in a whirlpool to hide his vision, hungry… eager to hook its claws into his less shielded vision and consume him in his meditation.

_ Alarm grew when too many cold eyes turned toward him.  _

He could not resist reaching out through the Force to his living soul-mate for comfort despite the distance. A pulse of light reflected caring back at him, unstintingly, clearing  _ his _ space of some of the dim and muddied tempest. 

Calm again. Obi-Wan let himself fade back into normal awareness as the mark at his collarbone calmed from its flare in the Force. He regretted interrupting her day, but Siri had not been in danger this time. Her Shadow assignment to investigate Dooku was not a casual one either.

Looking down, he could see the fading colors of his active bond-mark, fading from an storm cloud laced with blue lightning to a simpler sigil in black. After so many years of it being a dun outline, only a shade darker than his skin, Siri and he were both shocked when potential in their soul-marks flared into brightly colored life during harsh events on the mission on Azure.

But they still had their duties that took them far apart.

He’d wondered for so many years if his third mark was really hers, though they had been young and ambitious more than ready when his appeared. 

The mark for Satine was only an elegant tracery of silver now, never to darken into life, while Qui-Gon’s vine had faded, to be touched every morning in remembrance.

_ His Padawan had been fascinated by that vine as the rich green colors faded to silver in a matter of days after Naboo. The boy had traced the scrolling tan lines for Satine that appeared long ago, not understanding the faint presences in the strange tattoos. Anakin wanted to get a ‘Jedi-tattoo’ for his mother for months, and didn’t like that Obi-Wan knew nothing about their source.  _

_ Anakin understood even less as a Jedi Knight when a faint tracery flared into a shining silver before fading when Satine died months ago. “Why didn’t you go to her? If you’d stayed with her, you might have saved her! She was a soul mate, something even non-Jedi get, if they are very, very lucky.  _ _**Your** _ _ soul-mate!” _

_ Obi-Wan took another calming breath. “It was the will of the Force that we be linked, but not  _ _**how** _ _ , we are not slaves to the Force, or even the Code. The Force guides us, not chains us.” Using loaded terms in an argument was always a dangerous tactic. “Anakin, what quality do you think of first for… for the Duchess Satine?” _

“ _She’s a pacifist who wouldn’t help the Republic when it was attacked.” Anger there._

“ _She wanted to protect her people from their blind military tradition. Should anyone have the right to force her to be something else? To take away her choices?”_

“ _No...” the Knight mumbled._

“ _Would I show my caring, or any love if I forced her to do what I wanted instead of what she believed?”_

“ _She’d be safer! She might be alive!”_

_ Obi-Wan forced a smile. “That wasn’t the question, my once Padawan. Would I be caring if I destroyed a piece of her? If I chained her to my will?” _

_ Sullen silence was his only answer. _

“ _What do you think about me was important to her?”_

“ _Your beard, definitely the beard.” Anakin’s brittle laughter echoed in the Force as he finally met Obi-Wan’s eyes._

_ The Master’s smirk did not hide the doubtful lift of his eyebrow as he waited for a better answer. _

_ The boy refused to meet his eyes for a moment as he frowned. “You’re a Jedi and fight. You’re a General in an army and she hates war.” _

“ _And she did not ask me when I was young or later, to become smaller for her. That tracery of our mark showed that paradox, that our love is strong enough to not hurt each other by forcing changes for self-centered reasons. Our bond was still a rich potential, pure in the Force and unselfish. Everyone so marked has that kind of love. Color only comes when Force users embrace that bond. Not that I felt less strongly for Satine than I felt for Master Qui-Gon.”_

“ _But_ _ **you**_ _have a third mark. Do you know who it is? Do you get marks at the same time? What about you makes you have so many when so few have any?” Anakin rubbed his own shoulder in ill-concealed want._

_ Obi-Wan raised his hands to soothe. “I may not be sure who it is, but bond marks usually appear at nearly the same time.” _

“ _But you have another mark! I don’t have any!” Pouting at this age was not becoming._

_ Patting his Padawan’s shoulder, Obi-Wan wanted to console him. “Marks are no guarantee of happiness, Anakin. My soul was linked to two people I lost too soon, and Jedi lore confirms it is worse than losing a limb.” _

_ Refusing to be mollified, Anakin clenched and unclenched his mechanical hand. “It’s still love even if there is no mark! My Mom loved me! I love her!” His defiance was nearly a shout despite any guidelines. “Even when she.. d- d- died, that doesn’t mean I stopped or she did!” _

_ Obi-Wan reached out to hold the shoulder of the shaking young man. “Of course she did, Anakin. Imagine if you can try, that it was worse when she passed, not even anger or fear or grief remained when the living bond was ripped away and you could not feel them anymore. That you cannot even breathe if they stopped. That lifting your hand was impossible and the Force out of reach, because you were dying  _ _**with** _ _ them. That the universe is ending and you cannot fathom caring. I could never be the same as I was before Qui-Gon passed, and I know I hope I join him when my time to pass comes...” _

“ _Don’ want you to die...” Anakin choked out, grabbing Obi-Wan close and hiding his own face. He hiccuped without revealing what sounded to be tears. “Don’ ha- have any m..marks… any s-oul mate. No one to j- join them, no one to wait for me...” Grief and fear flowed from him._

“ _Shh, shh, I didn’t have mine before each of us met, sometimes years after we met. You know one I carry is only potential. There is still time for you to discover a soul-bond as well. Regardless, I will wait for you my young Padawan, though I hope it will be many years before you follow your old master into the Force.”_

_ Anakin finally calmed that day and Obi-Wan had not wanted to point out a theory popular in the Jedi archives that would seem cruel right now. A bond required selflessness on both sides, and children were too dependent to reach that point as often as parents. The Force had blessed him with three and he was very grateful. _

Their remaining training bond wasn’t the same, though it was as strong. Anakin had not grown out of jealousy and a youngling’s possessiveness. Obi-Wan would feel easier about Anakin’s Knighthood if he had learned those lessons. His remaining worries were not about Force abilities or fighting, but accepting parting from people he cared for. Most learned that though deaths and breakups. He’d hoped the necessary end of Anakin’s relationship with the Senator would teach that.

Obi-Wan returned to the Temple from Kril’Dor under close protective escort of Cody’s squad and strict orders to get to Master Che. On landing, he reported to the Council about his less than stellar mission to the tibanna processing base. The Master felt more uneasy about the Force’s hinting about a coming crisis he was needed for, than hurrying to submit to the healers’ fussing about treatments for inhaling the nearly raw form of that important gas.

Obi-Wan would feel better after some sleep and meditation.

A nighttime shove pulled him out of deep sleep into the angry face of the young Knight. “You said you didn’t know who it was! But you  _ do! _ You  _**have to** _ now!”

Still a little groggy, Obi-Wan sat up, blinking and trying to catch his breath. “ _ I didn’t know _ for certain when I said that, Anakin. We were still younglings and becoming Knights was far more important to us. One analysis said most marks appear after Knighthood for Jedi.”

Anakin scoffed, curling his lip. “Yeah, right. But that trace changed and now it’s blue and detailed. I can feel her in the mark clearly. Why don’t I have one? Why can’t I? I love Padmé, ever since I met her. She loves me, and we’ve been married  _ for years. _ I  _ can’t _ feel her like I can feel Tachi even  _ now _ in that bond mark!”

_ Married? Oh, dear Force. _ “Married? Oh, Anakin. Even aside from your oaths and responsibilities to the Order, how could that be  _ fair _ to your Senator? She has duties as well, even more from this blasted war, and now you have joint responsibilities to each other that you  _ must _ be neglecting between secrecy and duties as a General and Jedi.”

“We do okay...” Alarm and panic flooded their bond when the younger Jedi realized his error.

Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead, not sure if he wanted tea or brandy more the way his heart was pounding and breaths shallow. “But ‘okay’ is not selfless. Minor secrets are not deceit. How much of your interactions have been tainted by the lies to hide this much attachment and a marriage? Have you even considered how the other would have to suffer in secret if death comes? Have you considered the chances of children? Neither of you can truly cherish the successes of the other as ‘only’ friends? Lovers is no surprise, you aren’t subtle, Anakin. Force knows, there’s at least one betting pool...” 

He shook himself from his racing thoughts. “Secret weddings by definition are selfish, Anakin!”

“So?”

“There is enough in the lore about the frequency and demographics among the Order to imply that...” Obi-Wan stopped his lecture in its tracks and forced a shallow breath through sluggish lungs. “Anakin. The marks appear very, very rarely with unselfish love. That is why the Order does not disapprove.”

“Because _I’m_ selfish?” Anakin’s voice was rising in anger and outrage. “I fight in this stupid war for greedy Senators, seeing too many Brothers die, I teach a Padawan I never asked for and don’t know what to do, I behave- mostly, even if the Council never, ever trusted me with anything... I don’t even see Padmé face to face for weeks and months at a time! How is that _karking selfish?_ ”

Obi-Wan’s eyes prickled as he could not breathe with his understanding. “I am sorry, Anakin Skywalker. I must have failed you terribly, if you have no idea. Clearly you are  _ not _ aware of yourself and your personal balance. And I… I do not know you as well as I believed. I...”

The Jedi Master turned away, feeling dizzy and struggling to rein in his grief.

Anakin squinted. “I feel her more now, and it’s glowing.”

“She’s worrying about me. I hope this is not a critical time for _her_ mission.” Obi-Wan sent an apology to Siri for disrupting her mission. “We must master ourselves for _their_ sake, not to master them or gain power. Satine and I had to master ourselves when we were young and rash, so our marks remained potential. Soul-marks show a visible symbol of that selfless bond. I can’t explain why I...”

The Master stopped speaking.

Anakin paced, no stomped, clenching his shaking fists and glaring at Obi-Wan whenever he faced that direction. “ _ None _ of you want me to have any happiness when I’m not fighting. I’m just a tool! Not like you or any other kriffing Jedi care, just like he told me over and over! Like a droid to wipe my feelings whenever it’s  _ needed... _ ”

Obi-Wan’s comm went off with an emergency call.

He didn’t react, beyond unnoticed shaking.

Not at all, not for too many seconds as Anakin’s rant continued for a few more seconds.

Obi-Wan’s knees began to fold as he quietly collapsed.

“Master!” Anakin caught him before Obi-Wan’s head hit the floor.

His eyes blinking far too slowly and shields dissolving, Obi-Wan failed a reassuring smile as the comm’s alert warbled to a higher pitch. 

Smashing the comm with barely a thought because he could not think, Anakin panicked and held on. “No! Not yet, not you!”

Thoughts racing in every direction as the room seemed to echo, Obi-Wan succeeded in smiling this time, seeing the golden boy, the enthusiastic youth, and the troubled man in front of him all at once.  _ Beloved brother. We all will pass into the Force. _

“No, please _no_. No _more.”_ Anakin sobbed, trying to hold on to the other man’s presence as it ran through his fingers like sand.

_ -Waiting for you… promise.-  _

A trace of comfort appeared in the mess of his fading Master as Anakin realized Obi-Wan wasn’t breathing. He had trouble breathing, too and everything hurt as Obi-Wan kept getting smaller and fainter in the Force.

Obi-Wan looked so calm, not even surprised, the wise Jedi he adored.

Hiccuping, Anakin looked away and forced himself to take a breath. It hurt so much. He missed his mom so much even now. He didn’t want to miss Obi-Wan too. Though his Master was so faint now in the Force, like he was about to drift away.

Forcing another deep breath, Anakin wanted  _ one more minute _ to say goodbye instead of argue.

The apartment door crashed open and healers and droids poured in making noises he didn’t understand. They hooked both of them to diagnostics and Obi-Wan to breathing support immediately. Che bundled Obi-Wan into a support cart that was rushed away in futility. 

His next breath was so hard, and Anakin could only stare after Obi-Wan’s too still body.

Master Che looked at Anakin and set her jaw. “You too, Skywalker. Good thing  _ someone _ called in the emergency.”

“Why bother?” he snarled in a faint whisper, wiping off sweat as his head pounded.

Another cart moved beside him. “You’re turning blue. Eyes, skin, look at your fingernails.”

Breathing too shallow and it was so hard to turn his head to look at his flesh hand as he was strapped on. His fingernails were a bruised blue.

Above his wrist was a glowing plasma blue Jedi symbol that burned.

And felt faintly of Obi-Wan.

 

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: After some confusion, I made edits, to hopefully make it clearer that Obi-Wan is having the lung failure + argument stress. Siri called in Che when Anakin smashed the comm...
> 
>  _...And that lesson is how to let go._ Soul marks don't always seem to mean romantic love in stories, so there must be a deeper truth: selfless love on both sides. That is the opposite of attachment with the ability to let go, to not think only of what you want. But still it is a double edged blade... but baby steps.
> 
> Testaments is a Star Wars fanfic, and most everything is owned by George Lucas and Disney with no infringement intended. I make no profit from this story.


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